CK Publishing

I had to go to Manchester Royal Infirmary for a check-up. I was now finding it hard at times to pass water. One minute I could not stop, and now I wasn't able to go. I went to the Urology Department. I was asked lots of questions by this young doctor, then asked to lie on the bed. He then asked me more questions as he was examining my stomach.

He asked me if I had ever had an internal. I said that I hadn't. With that he pulled the screen round the bed. It was full of whopping great holes. If it had been up to me I wouldn't have bothered pulling the thing round.

I could see Syl, through the holes, looking at me and smiling. I was so nervous and embarrassed. I had never had anything like this done before and I just didn't know what to expect. I was told to take down my pants and underpants then I had to lie on my side with my knees up to my chest. I could feel myself going red. I couldn't see what the doctor was doing. My nerves were going wild so I sort of mouthed to Syl through the screen, 'What's going on?'

She just shrugged her shoulders, smiled, and mouthed back, 'I don't know.'
She was holding back her laughter, I could see that much. Then the doctor said, 'Right, Mr. Campbell, just relax.'

Well, my heart was in my mouth; and you know where his finger was? Yes, where the sun doesn't shine.

I didn't know where to look; I could see Syl breaking her neck to get a closer look.

Then he said, 'Right, Mr. Campbell. Squeeze my finger.'

So I turned round and went to grab his finger with my hand.

'No! Mr. Campbell. With your bottom, please!' he said, smiling.

Oh! I felt such a fool. I looked at Syl. All I could see was an empty chair, but I could hear her crying with laughter just out of sight. The doctor finished his examination and told me to get dressed. Syl popped her head around the screen, her eyes red through crying with laughter.

'Not a word. Not a bloody word,' I said to her.